Hey Reader

What's a goal you've had for a while and just haven't gotten around to starting?

This could be something you've genuinely made no start on, or something that's had a few false starts.

While getting started on a goal is a problem unto itself, I've actually found that my motivation to work on a goal is most at risk as I'm just getting started.

Any time I start working on a goal that I've been dreaming about for a while, the most likely thing I'll say to myself is:

Although it may not initially seem like it, this has actually been the most toxic thing I've told myself goal-getting-wise.

If you've fallen victim too that line too, let's have a look 👀

The idea - Scrap "I should have started sooner"

You step into your kitchen.

There are dishes in the sink, rubbish on the counter, and crumbs all over the floor.

Sure, you could have packed this all away last night, but for one reason or another, that didn't happen.

No time like the present though. You get to work loading the dishwasher, taking out the trash, and wiping down the surfaces.

Slowly but surely, you've gotten the kitchen back into a workable state.

Just as you're putting the last items away in the cupboard, your partner walks in.

Rather than saying thank-you or offering praise or support though, you're met with:

"You should have done that sooner"

👀...

Wow. Rude.

Ignoring for a moment how many cuss words would immediately start flying out of my mouth 😝 this is essentially what we're doing to ourselves.

When we pair actually getting start with a goal with the phrase "you should have started sooner" the first very real consequence is just feeling bad about ourselves.

Funnily enough, I've never found making myself feel bad to be a great motivator for getting things done.

The excitement of starting a goal is one of the best things to keep us motivated to actually work on it.

When we tell ourselves that we should have started sooner, that excitement can quickly fizzle out, only to be replaced by something much more sinister.

A lack of self-belief.

While the link between "should have started sooner" thinking and diminished self-belief may not be immediately obvious, we can find the connection in some of the underlying messages.

"I should have started this sooner" ends up getting expanded on in the mind as:

• I can't be trusted to go after what I want
• I procrastinate getting started until it's too late
• I don't prioritise things correctly
• I never make time for the things that matter
• I'm just going to fail at this again

What nasty things to say to you!

And all of those self-limiting beliefs started with the phrase "I should have started sooner".

Don’t get me wrong, looking at the past can help planning for the future, but if it is just done for self-berating, it isn’t worth your time 👏

"What if?" vs "what now?"

Rather than playing "what if?" and focusing on what could have been if we started however long ago, let's play "what now?"

You may have heard the quote:

(The internet says it comes from a Chinese proverb...but it's hard to get accurate information on the factuality of that 😅 We'll just say "the internet" said it)

But!

This does help highlight the point that if you're just getting started on a goal today, you're literally picking the second-best option.

Well...technically what this quote doesn't make as obvious is that there are actually four options, but only three are available:

• The past - not actually accessible to us, so not even an option.
• Now - the best option we have! If you're just starting with a goal, you've made your best possible choice 😄
• Later - also available to us. Not as good as now, but not as bad as...
• Never - ew. No. Let's just take that out as an option too.

The choice to not get started on a goal all those years ago isn't something we can change.

In this moment, all we have is now, later, or never.

If you're picking "now" to start, then let's not follow up that very admirable decision with berating yourself.

You are literally making the best choice, so be sure to talk to yourself in a way that reflects that!

Don't be the partner that tells you off for not having loaded the dishwasher sooner rather than saying thank-you for doing it 👏

Let's take action

Next time you find yourself saying "I should have started this sooner", stop 🫷

Let's take the opportunity to say something a bit more constructive 😛

Some options include:

• I'm glad I'm starting
• I'm proud of me for getting started
• I'm excited to be starting

Like all things, it'll take some getting used to, but in the long run, you're helping train yourself to speak more kindly to you 😊

Until next time!

- Jess

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